Mother’s Day is Hard

Posted by Liza on May 10, 2012 in Adoption Whys, Haven, Our Story | 2 comments

There were years when I was in my 20s where Mother’s Day was hard.  I always love getting to celebrate my mother.  She’s amazing!  Full of love, laughter, beauty, and grace.  But when I was in my 20s, I was longing to become a mother.  Desiring, praying, hoping to pass on all the things I was taught by my mother to a child of my own.  There were many painful Mother’s Day Sundays where I sat in church and tried not to grieve too openly when mother’s were honored by getting to stand.  I wanted desperately to get to stand up.  In 2009, my biggest dream came true and God answered my deepest prayer by giving me my daughter Story.  It was literally as if all my dreams came true.  I told Chris Mother’s Day weekend that I couldn’t wait to celebrate on Sunday and that hopefully this would be the first Mother’s Day in a while for me that didn’t involve tears.  However, I cried anyway…but for different reasons.  My heart rejoices at the blessing God chose to give me, but it still aches for others.  Those that also face infertility, loss of a child, or loss of a mother.  Mother’s Day is hard for many people.  So I continue to cry and continue to be mesmerized by the gift of motherhood.  This year I started the cry fest a little early when I received this poem from Lifeline (Author Unknown):

“Once there were two women who never knew each other

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name

One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do

The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women are you the product of?

Both, my darling, both, just two different types of love.”

Adoption is beautiful thing.  Adoption is a hard thing.

Waiting and longing for Haven especially this weekend.

Celebrating and dreaming of being the best mother I can possibly be to him or her.

Praying over those that find Mother’s Day to be hard.

A New Strategy

Posted by Chris on May 3, 2012 in Haven, Our Story | 4 comments

We received our latest wait list update yesterday.

We’re now number 18.

For those of you keeping tabs, that means over the past month we moved two spots.

If that rate of progress continues, we won’t receive our referral for Haven until sometime in 2013.

Frankly, to us, that’s unacceptable.

Yes, any movement is better than no movement. We are very thankful to now be at number 18. We are even more thankful for all of the children that were matched with families this past month.

However, Haven is out there right now, separated from his or her mom and dad. We trust God to ensure he or she is cared for. But we’re tired of waiting. We want to bring Haven home.

So, I’m proposing a new strategy. And in order for this new strategy to work, we need your help.

Up until this time we know that countless people including all of you have been praying for us and for Haven. We know this because we have seen and felt the effects of your prayers. So, we’d like to ask you all to pray a little bit differently. It will still mean praying for us, just not as directly as you have been.

Instead of praying for us to get our referral, pray for the 17 families ahead of us.

That’s right, we’re asking you not to pray for us (you obviously still can, if you must). At this point, we’d much rather you pray for others, people you probably don’t even know.

Pray for their patience and perseverance.

Pray for their children to be cared and provided for.

Pray they will get a referral quickly and be united with their kids.

The more quickly their prayers are answered, the more quickly ours will be too.

So, come on. Let’s join them.

Who’s with us?

Refused Discouragement

Posted by Liza on Apr 3, 2012 in Fundraising, Haven, Our Story | 12 comments

It’s been a while, I know.  I’ve been in a state of constant prayer, on my knees begging, hoping, and believing that this would be a big month for us.  Everything has fallen into place so beautifully and so perfectly.  I will never forget how our God has provided for this adoption.  He did what seemed so impossible to me.  I knew He could do it again.  So, I prayed for him to.  I prayed that we would move a great deal this month.  I got super excited when I heard from other friends that they had moved much closer this month.  Excited for them, but also excited about what that might mean for our numbers.  Knowing that we would get an update at some point this week, my prayers changed.  I began to pray on Saturday evening that I wouldn’t be disappointed if it didn’t happen, I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to happen.

AND, it didn’t happen.  We got our numbers in last night and we are officially number 20.  Movement, YES!  Two spots closer, and that gives me hope.  Not what we wanted, but hopeful.  I know our God is mighty and powerful and has the most perfect time set before us to bring Haven home to our family-not one minute too soon, not one minute too late.  I refuse to continue to be discouraged (I have to fight that one real hard).  Instead, I will remember His faithfulness and remember His good and perfect plan and remember His never ending love for us.

In my refused discouragement, I am planning one last fundraiser to help us finish the last $1,000 needed to bring Haven home.  I am having a garage sale the first week in May.  If you have any items you are wanting to get rid of, let me know if I can take them off your hands.  Items I’m looking for include:  furniture, electronics, baby items, toys, etc.

Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement.  We will soon hit the 2 year mark that we’ve been on this journey and I can honestly say we wouldn’t have had the perseverance at times without the community God has placed around us.  Your smiles of joy, questions, comments, and words of advice have refreshed us during easy parts and encouraged us to continue on when things get hard.  Will us let us know if you’re reading and/or praying?  It’s like medicine to my soul!

Disappointment

Posted by Chris on Mar 7, 2012 in Our Story | 2 comments

I think disappointment is such a disappointing word. It serves to describe a certain mix of emotions following a moment when reality didn’t live up to your expectations. However, since it’s used to describe what is most often not a single emotion but a mix, it really falls short of its intentions. But there’s nothing I can do about that, I guess. So, I’ll try to just move on.

I’m disappointed.

At least that’s how I am choosing to describe my feelings right now. I’ve used other words over the past week. Honestly, some of them haven’t been very kind at all. One or two might cause this blog to gain a PG-13 rating. So, I’m going to ignore those other words for now and stick with this one.

So, why am I disappointed?

Last week we got our latest wait list update from our adoption agency. We’re now number 22. If you remember from a post ago, we were number 24. So, we moved 2 spaces.

“But at least you moved, right?” you say.

Yes. We moved. For that we are extremely thankful. About that we get excited. It is better than staying the same number. It is better than somehow moving backwards. But, honestly, it’s still disappointing.

Let me take a moment here to be clear. I am not disappointed in our agency, at all. I love them, and they have been extremely helpful. Anytime I have a question, concern, frustration, they are more than willing to hear it and address it, usually within a matter of hours. I truly believe they are doing everything in their power within the current process to help bring Haven home.

I’m not disappointed in Ethiopia. I’m not disappointed in America. I’m not disappointed even in this process. I’d much rather it take a long time to ensure that Haven is truly a child in need of a home and not a child that serves as a supply found to meet my demand.

I guess when it comes down to it I’m disappointed in reality.

My expectation has been a referral in 3-6 months.

My expectation has been to have Haven home not just in 2012 but in the first half of 2012.

My expectation was made based on information I was given and was not developed by some hopeful ignorance.

However, my expectation, somewhere along the way, ceased to be an expectation. It became something more concrete than that. Something I’ve been clinging to, that’s kept my spirits up as I have tried to endure the waiting for Haven.

My expectation had become my reality.

A few weeks ago I was in Ethiopia for a little over a week. The whole time I was there I was plagued by the idea of “Haven is here.” I just knew that somewhere in that country, perhaps in the city where I was, perhaps in that building I’m passing on the street, Haven was there. And it was gutwrenching and heartbreaking to think that was true and not be able to run go find him or her and hold him or her and kiss him or her and tell him or her that I was his or her dad and that I was coming to get him or her, to bring him or her home.

To get through it and deal with it, I held on even more tightly to my expected reality.

Last week I finally found myself in a mental and emotional place, mostly from continued exhaustion, where my expected reality could collide with actual reality and be shattered.

At this point the reality is that, at this rate, it could actually be 2013 before Haven is home.

Disappointment doesn’t even begin to cover it.

But there’s hope.

People in the know continue to encourage Liza and me that the reality probably won’t be that bleak. The whole process fluctuates. There are big months and small months when it comes to the number of referrals. Unfortunately, there’s been a number of small months in a row. So, I want to think that means that we’re due a big month.

But I struggle with that because I don’t want to get my expectation up again.

So, that’s not where I’m looking for my hope.

Rather, I find hope knowing that, though I believe Haven is out there and not with us, I know that there are extremely loving and caring people committed to seeing that Haven is cared for in the meantime. Ultimately, I trust that God will see that Haven is cared for in the meantime.

As a human we struggle with control.

That’s basically what sin is, our attempts to be in control instead of God.

As parents, we also want to be in control of our children. Their health. Their entertainment. Their education. Their spiritual-development. Their lives and their future.

Right now my reality forces me to not be in control. Not even of Haven. I can’t be. I have to relinquish any illusion of control that I might have built for myself, even if that was only found in thinking I could control my expectations.

God has to have control…

Of my expectation.

Of my reality.

Of my family.

Of Haven.

Of me.

Thankfully, the reality is this: He’s been in control all along.

I’ve never expected anything less.

Created for Care and 24

Posted by Liza on Feb 17, 2012 in Families, Haven, Our Story | 6 comments

Yes!  So we have a new number…24.  Still not moving as quickly as we had hoped, but we refuse to loose that hope.  Obviously, our March timeline is looking more like summer time for a referral.  Things are slow, but we know God’s timing is perfect!  Trusting in that for the moment and continuing to pray for Haven.

Things have been quite busy around our household.  I got to attend an awesome retreat, which I want to share more about in a bit.  The day after I got back Chris left the country for 17 days.  I’m sure he’s going to want to share more about his travels in another post, especially since he went to Ethiopia for the first time.  Story and I kept ourselves busy by traveling to visit family members all over Mississippi.  It was wonderfully exhausting, but I know we both will cherish these memories.

Now, on to the retreat.  I got to attend Created for Care Conference this year and was so excited about it!  My mother-in-law went with me and treated me to this awesome experience.  It’s some kind of amazing to sit in a room with 433 women who share the same heart for adoption that you have.  About half the women there have adopted, over 150 were in the process, some were thinking about it, and others were just friends or family members there in support.

I was excited to meet up with some Mississippi friends old and new.  In the picture above is Megan, Me, Jenni, Mrs. Teresa, and Alison.  These girls are all on the waitlist for Ethiopia.  I’ve known Alison since college and Megan and I met several years ago through mutual friends.  I was excited to connect with Jenni and had heard so much about her from Mrs. Teresa.  My sweet mother in law goes to church with these awesome ladies.  I’m so thankful to get connected with so many people adopting from the same country our Haven will be from!

I attended some wonderful break-out sessions including “African American Hair Care”, “Practical Advice for Parents in Wisdom and Revelation”, and “Empowered to Connect”.  I gained so much wisdom and insight from each of these.  I was truly challenged and inspired by one of the main speakers, Dr. Susan Hillis.  She has an amazing story and knows God’s word better than anyone I’ve ever met.  She’s my new Beth Moore!  Her words were truly a gift to my heart!

Okay, so here’s the really funny part.  They had something called “Date With God” at this retreat.  It was something you had to sign up for.  Frankly, I thought this was the cheesiest thing I had ever heard of AND if I needed a “Date With God” couldn’t I just go outside and get alone for a quiet time?  I was really turned off.  Then several people who went last year encouraged me to go and said it was really life-changing for them.  So, I went. And I tried to have a good attitude and an open mind.  And wouldn’t you know that it was during this “Date With God” that He spoke to me in ways He never has before.  God really renewed my spirit at this retreat.  My passion for learning, growing, and seeking His face has been restored.

I’m so grateful for this sweet time and hope to take a bunch of girls with me next year!  Who’s in?

Team Haven

Posted by Chris on Jan 19, 2012 in Fundraising | 1 comment

We promised to provide an update on our fundraising efforts, and this is that update.

SPOILER ALERT: IT’S BEEN AWESOME!

First, a little context. We went into the holiday season with approximately $18,000.00 left in expenses to just complete Haven’s adoption. This total basically consists of a $9200 referral fee due when we get our referral (when we find out who Haven is; that’s what that big number over on the right is all about), and travel costs $8800 of travel costs (two trips to Ethiopia and back, each hopefully only 7-10 days in length). When we sent out our fundraising letters we mentioned that had about $15,000.00 left to raise/save. That’s because we had a couple thousand in our adoption account along with another thousand from my mom selling cinnamon rolls (I know. Who knew?).

So, we had applied to a few different organizations that assist with funding adoptions, and now we’ve heard back from two of those.

Obviously, one of those is Lifesong for Orphans. Brook Hills has a partnership with Lifesong where we have endowed some money to be used specifically to help Brook Hills families in the adoption process. Most of this money is distributed through matching grants rather than outright grants. If you received a letter from us or saw a couple of posts ago, then you know that we received one of these matching grants for up to $3000. This meant that we would try to raise money by asking people to donate in our name to Lifesong. Lifesong would then match anything we raised up to $3000. Anything above that would also be for us but wouldn’t be matched. As of yesterday, there is now more than enough in this account to cover the referral fee. So, that’s over $9200.

Then, this week, we heard from another of those organizations, Show Hope. This non-profit was founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman. I heard Steven Curtis talk about it a little bit during a panel at GMA week a few years ago. Anyway, they sent us a letter to let us know they were giving us a grant that covers more than half of our total travel costs.

So, combine these together with what we’ve already had saved and we’re basically there. Haven’s adoption is covered. And I haven’t even mentioned the all the people, many of you, who continue to graciously give to us directly.

This whole process has affected us in a number of ways.

1. Humility – When asking friends, family, acquaintances and complete strangers for money, you have to set your pride aside. I, for one, was deeply ashamed of how difficult this was for me. Then, to experience this outpouring of response has been humbling in a way I have never known. To see some of the names of people who have given to bring Haven home, just reminds me how abundantly blessed I am yet also how undeserving. And, in the moment I think that, I am humbled again as I remind myself, “Listen, you arrogant jerk. It’s not about you! They’re not giving to you! They’re giving to Haven!!” (I’m sometimes harsh on myself).
2. Peace – Finances can be the source of much trouble in marriage, and it has been in ours from time to time. Lately, our finances haven’t been a source of strife between Liza and me, but it has been a source of stress on both of us. We made the decision for Liza to go ahead and begin staying home rather than working a job. This has been a huge blessing for our family, particularly her and Story, and we know it will make all the difference in Haven’s transition. But that meant we would need to learn to live on one salary. Then, we’ve also been trying to come up with all of this money in addition to the normal life things you don’t plan for. As a result, I’ve tried to take on any and all freelance projects I can get my hands on, which means more work at night and on weekends, which translates into more stress and less “family time.” Knowing that the adoption expenses are generally covered really alleviates a good bit of stress and replaces it with a much needed dose of peace.
3. Freedom – I’ve been careful to say that these amounts we’ve been discussing are related to Haven’s adoption, because they are. However, that doesn’t begin to paint a full picture of the costs involved. Obviously, there are new costs that go along with any family that adds a member: food, clothing, etc. Having the adoption expenses covered, allows us to focus on preparing for some of these. Right off the bat, we need to prepare Haven’s room as well as get clothes for him or her. Also, we have no way of being able to anticipate what medical needs Haven might have. The international adoption clinic that is in town will be an invaluable resource, but they’re expensive. And, while we have wonderful insurance, depending on Haven’s health, there could be any number of costs involved there. So, there’s still a bit of fundraising/saving to do.
4. Conviction – I know that I’ve been convicted about my own generosity and greed. I’ve been convicted about some of the ways we spend our money. I’ve been convicted about what it means to be a steward of what is given to you. I’ll just say that God continues to use the process to convict and refine me.

There’s more, but that at least gives you a bit of the picture.

I’ve had to write some of our “Thank You” notes to all those who have given. To be honest, I hate writing “Thank You” notes. I feel like I always struggle with sounding sincere. But, please, let me try.

Thank you.

I will never be able to express to you the difference you’ve made in our family. Even if we were to one day repay what you have donated, it wouldn’t scratch the surface of returning to you what you have given to us.

Through you God has demonstrated his faithfulness and provision to us in new, profound ways.

We obviously are desperately looking forward to having Haven home for so many reasons, but once he or she is here, one of the stories I look so forward to telling him or her throughout his or her life is the one about all of you, how you came together, surrounding us, and enabled us to bring Haven home.

You’ve made a dad, a mom, a soon-t0-be big sister and a soon-t0-be adopted son or daughter very, very happy.

Again, thank you.

GO TEAM HAVEN!

Movin’ On Up

Posted by Chris on Jan 9, 2012 in Our Story | 0 comments

Just received a wait list update from our agency.

We were number 28.

Now we are number 27.

I keep repeating “progress is progress” as some kind of medicating mantra in my mind.

But it’s true.

We are literally one step closer to having Haven home.

And, I guess, in some ways it doesn’t hurt that we have some time.

There’s still a lot to be done (fundraising, wink, wink).

See the previous post.